that I failed miserably

On friday I walked out of work excited because we were being let out early before the long holiday and excited to see if my first week on Medifast was a success. Well, it was. I lost 4.6 lbs!

Not to too my own horn or anything, but, ahem.... "toot toot"

I got 2 weeks of new food while I was there and also traded in my oatmeal for things that other people had traded in. Made it out with some more Chili and a soup, and some pudding.
New food: Nacho Cheese bites (Nom), Vanilla pudding (ok), Mango soft serve (haven't tried yet), Cream of broccoli (haven't tried), Maryland Crab Soup (haven't tried), Chili Cheese puffs (meh), Oatmeal Raisin bar (nom), Eggs (surprisingly good), pancakes (meh), and a dark chocolate shake (haven't tried). So it's really hit or miss with the food but most of it I can suck it up and eat it. Eventually I'll find what I like and probably just rotate through them.

Back to the subject of this post. On Friday I was feeling very confident and glad that i saw such great results in the first week. I think that excitement got the best of me though because for the rest of the weekend I attempted to be good and FAILED over and over. Saturday morning I went to a friend's house and her mom offered to make us grilled cheese. I had brought my food with me and I had every intention of eating it. But after sitting and watching TV for a few minutes I decided "what the heck, I lost 4.6 lbs, this is reason to celebrate. I WILL take a grilled cheese, please." And let me tell you. I do not regret eating that grilled cheese.

My friend's mom has been experimenting with spices and making her own spreads and she put regular butter on the outside of the bread and some spiced butter with I believe chives and some other stuff on the inside and made it with some extra sharp cheddar. I nearly died. I forgot how good cheddar was.

Because I indulged with the sandwich I decided I'd skip my lean and green meal since that has most of the calories I get.. and maybe one of my Medifast meals... well, fail again. I did eat. And not anything I was supposed to.

Later that night her mom made chicken tenders. Not like the fried crispy kind, but baked white meat topped with a spiced breadcrumbs with a side of homemade honey mustard. Who was I to decline this healthier version of such a delicious treat? So I ate them... and I loved them... and I was happy... until I followed it with the cupcakes she had baked the night before... then s'mores and beer the next day, then more grilled cheese, eggs, and sausage the day after that. Then some creamy crab soup, wine, and beet salad. I was a MONSTER! So basically 4.6 lbs went from a self-esteem boost to a holiday weekend free pass. Oops.

Today is Tuesday, it's back to the grind at work and sticking to my diet. I sunk too much money into this to fail. But I did tell myself, "you'll be okay. This was your first weekend to get through and it didn't help that it was a holiday/long weekend. You'll get back on that smelly horse and ride it to skinny town. You may hop off every now and then and step into a saloon that you'll regret, but you'll crawl your way under those half-swingy door things and kick that horse till he runs as fast as he can." Well, my inner monologue really wasn't that detailed, but I liked that way more.

The only obstacle I see now is my rugby reunion. I play a bit in college and some of the alumni decided to get a little beach trip together. I know there will be lots of food and beer but I'm really going to try and behave myself. I can easily carry-on with my life without drinking and have a good time even when everyone else is drinking. It's just something I NEED to get through at this point. I can't have another weekend like this last one.

Send me some hope!
Jen